The Mind of a Forest Library: Rough Draft, Revisions To Come

As I continue to glide down the aisles of the internal library in my mind, I take my time exploring the hippocampus structure in the temporal lobe of my brain. The massive library of my past in the forest of my mind; entertwined with leaves and vines, bookcases made out of the wood of my family tree and the roots of my very being. I let my fingers brush against the rough, bark spines of each book carrying different stories; different memories. Some leaving me with a small laugh or giggle, others with a deep sigh. I continue brushing my fingers across the days and years of my childhood with appreciation and enlightenment. Although some memories are dark, they led me to become the woman that I am today and for that, I stay grateful. The echos of my father's yell and wisp of my mother's tears in the corner of my eyes; each book contained an abundance of love regardless of the memory. Staircases and high ceilings surrounded me; all with my memories. I slowly but surely continue to take a step forward and revisit my years. Something tells me that this is a step, as a grown woman, I always knew I needed to take. And it was something I needed to do when my mind, body, and soul are at a strong peak. Before I know it, I'm stumbling upon a half moon arched wooden door. With an ominous feeling in the pit of my stomach, I know I need to visit. As many times as I've sat and reviewed my life, I've always allowed myself to glide right past this door. Locked and kept safe in the deepest part of my mind. I made sure to have this happen at a young age. Even at nine years old, I knew better. For the sake of my mental health and my mind, I requested a counselor after seeing what I had seen.With my fingertips I type the words into my autobiography and memories flow. For the first time in my life, I keep going; I keep typing. Until I got to this door. And my smile fades and my eyes widen. My barefeet frozen in place at its sight. My forest green dress with black stripes still moving with the wind coming from the leaves on the trees, but I, on the otherhand, stand as still as their roots. I am becoming the woman I have always wanted to be; a strong one. And although, I dabble with the physical part of being strong, the strength I've always referred to was the strength of my mind. I knew one day I'd need to write about my life. I'd need to gather my thoughts and memories and store them in a book to collect dust on a shelf someday just so I could get some sleep at night. And I knew one day, this day would come. Where I'd have to face this door and not pass it up. This time, entering the library forest of my mind, I trusted the path I was putting myself on. And I knew with each book, each tree, each experience on this path I had to be all in. With the magic of my mind and the way I've decided to move about my experiences and thoughts, getting close to this door feels like repelling magnets. I'm not supposed to open it. I made that clear. I allowed my counselor to create the door and the lock. Keeping me out to protect my developing mind. I can assure you it was still damaged, but not beyond repair.With knowing and exhausted green eyes, I grasp the metal knob and open the wooden door revealing a spiral staircase leading down and back to the depths of my mind. With each step, I take my time.  Barefooted, and now, cold skin due to the lack of sunlight being shed, I work my way down the wooden spiral staircase. I slowly graze my fingers upon the smooth wooden railing entertwined with vines that grew from my destination back up and out the door that I had just entered. The darkness started to enclose around me and I latched on tightly to the railing as my toes hit the last step. And I stood staring at another moon arched wooden door. This one was locked. The ominous feeling at an all time high; the echos of laughter from my childhood now being wisped away by the wind above me. I was somewhere else. In this moment, I knew I must unlock this door. Especially since I felt the sensation of repelling magnets. It's only sensible that this must be something I must face head on as an adult with the wisdom and insight about this life that I now have.If I'm being completely honest, in this moment, I would rather be deep in the darkest seas of the ocean staring a great white shark dead in the eye that has nothing but hunger escaping the depths of its mind, out its black beeded gaze, and into the energy coming right for me. I'd rather be in that moment than in this one. So here I am pacing at this door. Beating around the bush. As I try with the utmost effort to bring myself to open this goddamn door.