Stand By Me

Inspiration: Into The Ocean By Blue October; as well as the idea of my mind constantly being saved by my best friends that have passed & my nieces and nephew, whom continue to give me a will to live.

I sat on the railing of the bridge as we talked and I basked in His presence. He caught me in a moment looking out over the Celery Bog. He took another cigarette out, lit it, and took a drag. Letting out a puff of white smoke right past my face. I watched as the clouds over the Celery Bog swamp grew foggy from his smoke when he looked at me from the corner of his eyes and said, "Do you know how to swim?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Are you sure?"

The next thing I knew, He pushed me from the railing. What used to be the bridge we talked on, turned into the railing of an old wooden ship and the clouds behind Him went dark and thunderous.

"No.."

Before the thought could finish, I realized I was being plunged into the dark, deep blue sea. Right smack dab into the middle of the waves.

Lightening lit my face up above me.

There was something scarier than the storm and the sharks potentially below my feet: The waves

.I attempted to dive into them and to come back out over the surface. But where an opening in the water was supposed to be was another wave. My lungs unavoidably started filling with water and I started slightly choking. 

"I've got this."

I kept pushing, I kept trying. Overhead the dark ominous clouds above where God, Mother Nature, and The Universe all looked down; observing me. As the water continued to thrash me around and the surface started to become harder to find, I pleaded for one of them to come save me. None of them moved an inch. They stood there and kept the same hard expression on their faces. There was no hint of a smile and no indication that everything was going to be okay; they were disappointed in me. Disappointed that with all the signs, I still held on to what was comfortable for my life instead of what was necessary for my growth. They thought I would have been smart enough to know better. Maybe I was. Maybe I just couldn't figure out how to let go of the life I chose to live. Or maybe I was scared of living different. Maybe this one time I was too prideful to let go of the life I created. The waves kept overcoming me and I let out a blood curdling scream.

With no response, I had my answer. They were done with me. I was of no use to them if I wasn't listening. The waves were sent to swallow me whole. In that moment something happened to me that never has: I lost hope. I stopped fighting the waves. Instead I accepted my defeat, for at that point, I knew I didn't have a choice. I was gone.

In my last moments I thought of their last gift to me. I asked them to show me the real thing, if it really did exist. Something unexplainable. Something scary. Even if it didn't stay. Something magical beyond all expertise. If only for a moment I could know.. And oh I would.

As a face started appearing in my mind, a wave came and threw my left temple into a rock. With the unforgiving force of the wave, I went silent. Suddenly I was watching myself outside of my body. My face was calm and my eyes were closed as I slowly sunk down to the rock bottom ocean floor. And all I could think about was how long my hair had gotten. This was it.

There was no oxygen left in the tank, and zero energy to swim back to the surface for another breath. I was so deep I couldn't even hear the sound of the storm above. The eerie silence and darkness gulped me down to the ocean floor...

--———————————————————————

"Aunt Hailey, where are you?" With that little voice, the natural response came; forcing my eyes to shoot open. The voice faded out and the silence returned. A shadow started appearing before me. I was anticipating the massive great white shark that circles my mind to be coming to get me and eat me alive; I was an easy kill right now. My lungs burned and I had the notion that'd be collapsing shortly if they hadn't already.

But instead, it was a mermaid. Bleach-blonde hair swirled around her face. Beautuiful purple and pink scales. Slowly, she approached me. 

Randee; my best friend that had passed in a car accident in 2017; ironically enough loved mermaids.

With matte red lips, she grabbed both sides of my face with her long black nails and kissed the middle of my forehead. Within that kiss was an unconditional love and warmth I have longed to forget. Because with this warmth brought pain. There's something often overlooked in pain.

She was there to remind me.

In pain, is feeling. Feeling, is being alive.

I had sunk to the bottom of these ocean depths for the umpteenth time.

Yet I was still here. Every. Time.

"Everybody's got a sad story.."

To hear that from someone I loved very much. Told me they didn't know me at all. With that, I bowed and left their timeline in silence.

Some of my chapters are sad. But my story's emphasis is on how I've survived them; how I've overcome life's trials. And it dawned on me. My story is much more. With each new level up, I become way more than I could possibly imagine and that's because I choose to survive them. Surviving them means strategizing your way out of rock bottom; however that may be; but getting out nonetheless.

With that she breathed a single breath into me and I got a burst of energy & my survival instincts kicked in, willing me towards the surface.

My journey from the bottom depths to the surface made me think one thing: There's someone above the surface begging to differ of my downfall.

And I was right: This time it wasn't Mother Nature, It wasn't God, and it wasn't The Universe coming to save me.

As I shot out from the surface in the middle of the dark storm again, I coughed up water. I was still choking and I didn't have much time before the waves took me again.

Then I heard it.

"C'mon, Hai."

That all too familiar voice.. I followed on instinct. and I swam with all my might.

"Get your ass out of that water!" She yelled at me with frustration.

Another wave slammed into me, but I ducked and dove into it, coming up and out of the surface once again. I had to keep going. I got to the pier and lifted my hand up as high I could, behind me, I could hear the whistle of a massive wave coming for me, but I didn't look back. "Grab my hand!!"

My hand was slippery, but the connection between our hands was stronger. 

"Atta girl.."

I was hanging onto the ledge of the pier and had her hand clapped into mine.

"Hai, I need you to do me a favor. I need you to look at me."

But I couldn't. I veered my eyes hard to the left to where she was completely out of view. Diverting my attention away from her energy, away from her presence.

Then just as she did that night after our fight. With desperation and pleading in her voice for me to not leave this friendship. "Hailey please, look at me."

The same as that night, I caved. Because I knew deep down we loved each other very much. And no matter how badly we fought, we'd find a way to forgive.

In that moment I forgave myself and I looked at her.

"There she is...Now.. Help yourself up the rest of the way," she tossed my hand to the side and started walking down the length of the pier with a little chuckle escaping her throat.

With furrowed brows and an annoyed expression on my face, I did just that. I pulled my body the rest of the way then laid flat on my back. I was exasperated and still coughing up water. She stopped and turned towards me. That's when I noticed the dark clouds and waves disappeared to reveal a pink-purple sunset. Finally I was able to get out of my throat,

"You know, even in death, you're still a bitch." I sat up and twisted to glare at her with a smirk and she returned one.

In the distance a beautiful bleach-blonde mermaid swam gently near us. I knew she couldn't stay.

"I'll be seeing you.." I said honestly.

With a crooked grin Kaila, my other best friend that passed with Randee, whom I was closest with, looked back and said, "Not if I see you first."