'Melatonin.'

'Melatonin'

"It gives me the CRAZIEST dreams!"

"Oh, does it?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

The dream realm is where I do most of my exploring since my reality is enclosed by the four walls of Indiana; I've hardly made it out of here. To escape, to have my vacations; I dive into my dreams in depth. The places I've gone and messages I've received have sometimes left me dumbfounded. Some have been scary, but others have been very enlightening.

I was having trouble sleeping sometimes after the gym. I knew it was because I take my preworkout so late, but I couldn't help it: my body was wired to want to work out at night. Ever since the power went out during a thunderstorm during my second gym class of the day in high school. I chose it as an elective because I wanted to get in better shape. I enjoyed it and I think the gym teacher respected me a little bit more for the initiation or maybe he was just comfortable seeing me around so often. We were doing our daily run when the lights went out and suddenly I got a burst of energy and ran faster. Before I knew it, I was doing circles around the football players in the class. I had known I was a night owl at the time, but that revelation left me curious about my drive with fitness mixed with the darkness.

At the time I took the Melatonin, Hurricane Helene was making her way East. It hadn't even hit my family in Florida where they were vacationing, but it didn't ease my worry.

I dreamt hard the night I took it, as I was told I would.

I started out in a house that I was familiar with, but at the same time didn't recognize. I walked in and nobody was home, from what I saw. Something told me to walk downstairs to the basement. As I started on the stairs, I noticed my brother-in-law in a rocking chair. Something stopped me in my tracks. To the right of him, on the other end of the room, there was this very dark and uncomfortable energy; an entity that halted my steps. I stayed put. There was no way in hell I was going down there, and quite frankly I didn't want my brother-in-law so near it; so close to it. I wanted to tell him to follow me up the stairs but he made it clear with his energy that he was okay and unbothered. The energy didn't touch him, but still, it was not an atmosphere I wanted to linger in, so I worked my way up the stairs.

When I got to the top of the stairs, my youngest niece was sitting in the sink.

"Kiki, what are you doing in there?"

Then I hear my sister swiftly walk through the door holding two paper bags of groceries. Seems as if she was getting ready to clean her off from feeding her food.

This part of my dream didn't make sense to me, but was a part of it nonetheless. I just hope there aren't any negative energies lurking around my family. My sister and her fiance are very spiritually sound; I doubt they'd ever be sloppy enough to allow that to happen.

My phone started ringing. Stephanie.

"Hey girl, I'm almost there to pick you up."

She was picking me up in the morning for school or work, I couldn't recall. Most of my dreams typically are about being late to class from the anxiety I'd have in high school for being late. I do dream about work now, but still somehow, I dream about being in school.

She picked me up and we were on our way there when we both started receiving pings on our phones like crazy.

"Are you seeing this??" She asked me with surprise in her voice.

Hurricane Helene knocked the power out everywhere. And it turned into a nationwide event. Nobody was panicking though. Instead, everyone was excited. It wasn't just something that was dangerous and scary, but instead people were seeing it as an opportunity for a good time and a fond memory.

For whatever reason, the Golden Gate Bridge was in Florida and the town's population spread word around that everyone was getting together on the bridge to wait and surf the waves that were approaching. Everyone was going to be there.

As we approached the bridge, cars were stopped and started parking as they stayed in line towards the bridge. We got out and started walking. I lost Stephanie in the mess as she went and started looking for her friend, Ashley. I ventured out alone, but it wasn't uncommon or uncomfortable for me. Stephanie seemed to have gotten lost in all the excitement. On the otherhand, my emotions stayed mute as I continued walking. I had no idea what I was looking for or where I was going, just that I needed to continue walking. I looked down to see my barefeet. Somehow my black and white converse were now missing with my socks. The ground was wet from the ground, where shallow puddles surrounded everyone's steps as the storm was approaching. I got closer to the bridge to realize everyone had ex-nayed their shoes and socks as well; seeming to be unnecessary for the event that was about to unfold. They were all gathered close and below the bridge like most people would do surrounding a floor mat once you enter a home. My eye was caught by a pair of white low top converse.

"Ah-ha!" I said.

I could use those.

But as I reached out, I realized that they may be a size or two bigger than my feet. Not only that but they weren't mine. These shoes belonged to someone else and they may need them later. If anything, the extra sizing may prove to be an inconvenience for me anyway if, for whatever reason, I needed to start booking it. The shoes may be my downfall. Before my hand could reach them, I pulled my arm away and decided against it.

People were now hanging all over the bridge with cameras and phones ready to capture the moment, as if it was a big party. They seemed very unbothered by the fact that this was a natural disaster and could take a bunch of lives with it when it goes. Something told me they knew that and didn't care. They were hoping they weren't going to be a part of that number, but ready to risk it for a good time. Quite frankly, it wasn't my business.

Somehow I knew where to go. I head down below the bridge. The water was shallow due to the oncoming waves approaching. There was a table and this big burley man with a beer belly and shaved head shouting orders to the group sitting at this cafeteria table randomly placed in the shallow parts of the water. As if this group was waiting for the waves for a different, special reason. It wasn't necessarily a good time for the group, but it wasn't the worst either. Due to the the mirrored energy, I walked towards the table and sat down with my hands clasped together on the table top. For some reason, I knew this was where I was going and that I had arrived. The group was a combination of souls others would consider to be "odd balls" yet I didn't find anything weird about them at all. If anything, out of everyone, they knew what they were doing. As they all chit-chat amongst themselves I stayed quiet and solemn as I looked down at my hands awaiting the waves that were all too familiar to me in my reality and my dreams.

Then a familiar soul sat down across the table at a diagonal from me.

I didn't have to look up to know it was. He's been in my dream realm before and his soul and energy was easily recongizable for me by this point. He mirrored me by clasping his hands together on the table top.

I kept my eyes on my hands and with an even tone said, "get out of here."

This was the first time I had talked to him in my dream realm. Usually it was quick glimpses: A flash of blonde hair or a blue shirt.

Without looking at me he asked, "Why?"

"Because of everything you've done to me.

I don't care to know about your side of the story. All I want is for you to get out of here," and before I could finish and knew what I was doing, I was standing up and working my way around the table to scream in his face in a crazed manner to scare the shit out of him as much as possible, "GET OUT OF HERE!!!! GET THE HELL OUT!!!!"

He knew before I started screaming what I meant and was already walking away before I wrapped around the table to yell at him. As quickly as he appeared, he was gone.

That was the first time I spoke to him in my dreams and I believe it is what needed to be done to finally cut the cord between us. I don't know how he found his way into my dream world like that; my spiritual side. At this point, after all the hurt and pain, it was not somewhere he belonged and was privledged to be a part of anymore. For everything he had put me through had made me feel like I was crazy and insane. Half of my friends had seen first hand that I wasn't delusional and the occurrences with him were always ironic and coincidental; but too coincidental. But my mother, thought I needed help. She's always settled and I don't think she's ever experienced what I experienced with him and what I had felt for him. Either way, I needed to neutralize my brain at this point. The highs and lows were too much and they weren't going away.

The thought of him, even though I never saw him anymore or even looked at his social medias, wasn't going away. My mental and spiritual strength was at it's strongested before him. I hadn't put myself on anti-depressants since I lost my two bestfriends in a car accident when I was twenty-one. Eventually, I was okay and weened myself off of them. Anybody who's been on them will tell you how horrible it is to be on anti-depressants. It's numbing; all emotion seizes to exist. Me, having extraordinary empathic abilities sometimes, I was used to the extremes of emotions from myself and others. I hate to admit that it was now too much. I needed to go numb; I was excited to go numb. And I hated him for being a big part of the reason for my mental and emotional decline. But hating him is what I need to do to finally let go. For I believe he let me go a long time ago when he decided to not come after me. Time and time again I'd accept that he wasn't coming to get me. I'd try to move on. Not in the way you may think. I'm not the type of person that can get over someone by getting under someone; that's not me. I have tried and it doesn't work for me. Nor am I able to simply move on by getting involved with someone else to fill that void. I don't operate like that: I need time to heal by myself and alone. Like a wounded animal; I needed time to lick my wounds. It's the only way for me. So I'd do just that.

I'd live, accept, and go about my life. I'd hang out with my guy friends and even feel okay to workout with them. Since I convinced myself he wasn't interested, I felt okay to live my life how I would without him. Even though, they'd be innocent workout sessions with a bud, somehow he'd always appear out of thin air to intercede. Just like that I'd get wrapped up in him again. During, what I thought was us connecting, I'd refrain as much as possible from doing anything that might upset him. If it was jealousy, I understood it. In fact, I'd be the same way. I had just wished he would have been able to talk to me and ask me questions. Instead, if he was interested in me and those instances hurt him, he was only hurting himself. As maybe I had been with my insinuations about him and other females. Either or, the lack of communication was detrimental for our connection; if it ever even really existed. But then again, as my mother says, I'm just delusional and need help.