"All Magic Comes With A Price"

"Are you ready, Deary? This is the last one," Rumpelstiltskin said with a Scottish accent.

With the natural toxic venom that leaves the tongue of a Hamilton,

I, on the other hand, learned differently.

Awareness lighting up my brain like a million fireflies.

Life experience brought me up well.

Stuff I see, is mostly unseen by others.

Stuff I feel, is unfelt by everyone.

Although, the love in our circle cannot be mistaken.

Stubborness swirls the depths of each of us,

When it came time to cut the cord of my immediate family, they chose to learn;

They chose me as their family.

Being raw and honest here,

If the majority were all getting treated alike in the family,

I would, indeed, learn to deal because it was, in fact, "the Hamilton way."

Such as the "Hamilton stomach."

Growing alone and apart, I discovered it was not a "Hamilton Thing"

But a lactose intolerant thing.

With a majority still stubborn, they continue to overlook and continue to have stomach issues.

While my stomach heals.

Every so often I'll let the idea float through their minds in our typical family events.

The lack of similar issues in the other areas in my life left me perplexed.

It is easier to see that something is wrong with one person,

than that of a whole party; a whole family.

Although I love them all, things had to change.

Someone had to be the one to break the toxic cycles.

I observed. Some things are said to the elders amongst each other, but I witnessed the look on my uncle's face as he takes it time and time again; no one considering that he didn't reply or laugh.

Surprisingly, my father being the source of the Hamilton's acting the way that they do, he did change. His love for me was too much to let go of.

There was one person stuck in those toxic ways that was going to be tougher.

Like Great Grandma Belt, boy is she stubborn.

And just like I, a Hamilton woman, we can and will let go; We can and will cut ties.

As much as we love, we can fight. And that we will, and that we do.

But she was the last one that needed a wakeup call.

Rumpelstiltskin paused the moment. As I sat in my chair,

right after I just got told to "shut up and eat my food."

Even though, I didn't say anything relevant to deserve such a response.

But this event was building up.

Rumpel held the cord between my aunt and I in his hands with a pocketknife ready for my word.

"You understand, then, that all magic comes with--"

"--A price.

Yes sir," I whispered solemnly as I observed my paused family having a grand time all around me. A single tear sparkled down my cheek to my jawline.

Rumpel looked up at me with his leathery brown tinted skin, long, wiry brown hair. His eyes sparkled depths of darkness, yet there was a hint of light.

His eyes gleamed up at me, excited for the contract.

He radiated depths of evil, yet swirls of light still circled his aura,

for that I saw him.

& for that he saw me.

Rumple seemed to take a liking to me,

In fact, I later learned, his heart beat for me.

But he had a mission like we all did: He had a job to do.

So do I.

And so we did.

Just like that the cord was cut and it felt like whiplash.

He pressed play on the moment as I continued to stand up from my seat to stand in the shoes of the woman I choose to be.

Time and time again I've faced my father's wrath,

But that of another Hamilton woman was scarier,

For as a Hamilton woman,

If disrespected enough to get us to stand up off of our seat,

One must get ready.

One must brace themselves.

Rumpel giggled gleefully and said, "I think now I'll go downstairs and check out your father's old movie collection," and with a sinister smile he added,

"it was a pleasure working with you, deary," heading downstairs right before chaos unfolded.

Yet I knew what I was about to do would cause much darkness for my mind,

I hoped it would help future and current Hamilton's heal and learn to be and treat better.

I had to, at the very least, try.

As my body stood up, my soul sat down.

The chair and my soul connected as one now stumbling down a hole to a new existence,

A new reality: without my aunt and my cousin, whom I looked up to my whole life.

The rush of the dirt walls zoomed past me as I kept tumbling down.

The reminder of the aunt that changed my diapers now circled my brain.

The pixie dust from the connection between my cousin and I, who bonded with me over Tinkerbell and Peter Pan growing up, now leaving my mind and life.

The pixie dust once kept me flying, now left my mind and my body tumbling at a downward fall.

I screamed in agony as the ripped cord tugged deep to the depths of my core,

and I had to watch the cord chase after me as I continued to fall to the darkness.

Unfortunately, the only way to wake my family up, was to hurt them.

My whole life, I've tried to have the cordial conversations with them.

Waterfalls of tears spent on trying to get them all to see and hear me.

It took deciding to leave their lives to take me seriously.

Although, I wasn't choosing to leave my aunt's life,

She was then, choosing to leave mine.

For the sake of my sister's big day approaching next year,

I made the sad attempt to make amends and bite my pride back.

I do not take back standing up for myself,

But I question on the impact it would make if I went about it another way.

Knowing my aunt, if I did pull her aside instead, would she listen?

Personally, I can hear her telling me to "suck it up" and kiss her ass as she walks back inside to enjoy her time with the irrelevance of me.

Maybe speaking to each other like that is the Hamilton way, but something I can't ignore is how it leaves my soul.

They refuse to admit that me being absent would make things better.

But still, to this very day, I feel different than them.

My energy is depleted and dark by the time I get home back to my calm world,

That is the one thing I cannot get over.

Not anyone of them would dare talk to my sister or my cousin like they do me.

They're used to treating me such a way because they've done it their whole lives.

But in the end, I can live with the fact that I tried.

Magic comes with a price.

Hoping to potentially break the toxic cycle of my family, I continue to deal with the repercussions.

For the sake of them, I will continue to bite my pride and try to heal what happened,

but with little to no expectations.

I did what I did, and it was done.

I signed my name on Rumple's dotted line.